all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
