Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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