I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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