@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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