Your mouth is God's brothel.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
