Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
