Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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