Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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