sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
