Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
