yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
