please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
