fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
