He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
