i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
