You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
