I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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