I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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