I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
