I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
