You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
