I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
