Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize