I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
