If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
When did we convert life to cartoon?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
