I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize