Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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