i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
