Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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