I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize