Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
