yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
