God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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