I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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