WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize