so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
