Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
