i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have aggressive nipples.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
