no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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