Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
