Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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