we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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