You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
