I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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