Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
