woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
