I wish I could teleport
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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