I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
