Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
