She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
