could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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