We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
