Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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