She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
