At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
