I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i dont even know how to be here
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
