nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize