put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
