If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
