well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
