WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
