a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
