At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
