wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
