her vagine was all disorganized.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
