I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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