this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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