Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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