Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
