i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
