Umm I'm too high to move.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
