They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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