The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Randomize
