Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
