3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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