I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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