smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
