i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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